If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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