I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I fill condoms, not promises.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
