I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
