Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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