no, he came in my armpit
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
