with your own penis?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
