I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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