i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We left an ass print on the piano.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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