if only i could text you this smell
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
