i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
