I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
