that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
