i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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