Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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