I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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