Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
