By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
