So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
