spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
