the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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