just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
try to milk me bitch
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