It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
