$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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