i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
