I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I need water and some morals
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize