Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
