he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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