I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize