i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
