when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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