I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
