My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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