she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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