You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
