I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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