lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
