This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
