I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize