How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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