I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
