You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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