One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
