I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize