I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I smell like Dick and happiness
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
