i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize