nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
