they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
