some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
