forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize