I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
COCAINE IS GR8
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