she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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