Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
