Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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