is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
