Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
