All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
