yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
