the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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