i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
