is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
