the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize