Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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