When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
