I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
