We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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