I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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