I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
