After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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