Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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